When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
