I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
