I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
