im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
