I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
