If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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