so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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