So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
