there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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