running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
