i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
