Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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