brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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