i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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