This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
