people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
