The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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