I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
