I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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