Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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