Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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