it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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