awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
