So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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