you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Tell her she can't have a vagina
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
