i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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