Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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