you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize