Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
