i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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