I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Mom said you looked used
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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