and next time when you feel me up, do it right
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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