Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
