i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
