Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
