ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
