oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
