how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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