i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
