Me too!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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