A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have demons in me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I love you. Go after that dick
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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