Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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