I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
