So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
