I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
