I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
