barbara walters just said penis...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He shit in the fireplace
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