If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
