How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
