tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
