I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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