So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
