Already got asked if we're dating
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
