My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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