we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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