um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize