swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Found the puke drawer
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
