I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
