Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
