I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
