i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
