he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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