they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
