He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
