Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
