So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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