Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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