Your tits are I can't wait for
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
