my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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