K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just googled if crying burns calories
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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