we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
