eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she told me i tasted like america
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
