I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
These tits shall not be calmed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
