awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize